Lessons I Learned from My Heroes

Over the years, there are people - public figures mostly - who have captured my attention, who have fascinated me so because they seem to possess the emotional quotients and attributes that I wish I had.

Some of those people are Jeremy Wade, Gianluigi Buffon, and a female colleague of mine (let's call her JP).

With Jeremy Wade and Gigi Buffon, I admire their focus and dedication to their respective passion as well as their physical fitness. I come from a family who is not so big on sport and loves good food, a deadly combination that I have somehow internalized.

As for JP, she is this beautiful, amicable, yet highly functioning professional. She is not perfect but she doesn't seem saddled with guilt of not being perfect, or to conform to a certain social norm expected out of being a woman.

JP is also the first person whose first instinct wasn't being nasty to anyone new joining the team. Sometimes, there's this hesitation in embracing a new member of the team. People feel like they need to establish their dominance by purposely undermining a newbie. They need to know their place, they say. But this works based on the assumption that this newbie is an asshole without facts. How would you feel when someone just assumed you're an asshole? It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy and I'd rather not be in it.

Working alongside her, watching her over the years has taught me a lot about diplomacy and niceties. I used to think it's such a sell-out to be diplomatic but I realize now that it is a very narrow-minded way of looking at it.

As I get older, I realize people don't want complicated things. People just want to be happy, to feel joy, and to share it. In fact, someone once told me that one's purpose in life is to find joy and share it. I love it, it's so simple.

People don't like to be around someone who is combative and mouthing off all the time. People want to work with other people who are cooperative. And of course people would like to work with someone who is nice to look at. I complain about society's obsession with beauty all the time yet I like it when I'm in the presence of a handsome guy. Beauty does matter.

People who care about their appearance are nice to look at and therefore bring joy. You can't fault someone for wanting to fill their lives with joy. So, it is not a sell-out, it is not a crime to want to take care of your appearance to look beautiful so that people like you more. It's only problematic when you let it consume your life.

I also admire these people's ability to not let sentimentality get the best of them. When I hit a good stride in my love or work life, it is inevitable that I will be consumed by anxiety and fear knowing that it will end someday, to the point that I am unable to enjoy the present moment or worse, self-sabotage to end it early just so I can get rid of the anxiety of waiting and wondering when the end would come. 

Whenever I have something precious (beautiful objects, good friends, good colleagues), I become so paralyzed by fear of losing them that I either a) become afraid of putting them to good use or b) self-sabotage by ditching the situation. I would like to possess the understanding that life by nature is fleeting and that the best you can do is enjoying every moment that you have been given to the fullest.

People whom I admire usually seem so assured of themselves and that while people may come and go, the only constant is themselves and that is something they can always count on. So it doesn't matter if people come and go in their lives, they know life goes on and that they will always find a way to have a good time.