The first sentence of posts such as this one almost always starts the same way: I have always been fat for as long as I can remember.
There is literally no period in the last 31 years that I've lived on this earth when I wasn't fat. If there was, I would've been simply too young to remember.
I'm naturally a rebel and for a long time it was my mission in life to prove to my naysayers that I could be beautiful and successful while also being fat. I thought once I conquered that, then I'd be set for life. But I've come to learn that life is constantly evolving and that it comes in stages, each with a specific lesson you need to master in order to unlock your true potential.
In my late teens and much throughout my twenties, the lesson was about having substance. Substance is the essence of everything and when you have it, you cannot go wrong. This much is ingrained in me.
But now comes the next stage where the lesson seems contradictory at first: Substance is not everything. Yes, you definitely can get by with substance alone, but what this next stage of my life is trying to teach me is that, by supplementing substance with style, you can unlock more doors that could lead to many opportunities. Simply put, you'll get to do more things with your life.
It was hard to grasp this idea without feeling like a sell-out but my obesity had started to have real effects on my life. My health started to suffer (I've developed Type 2 diabetes and persistent high blood pressure) and I started to become very self-conscious about my look once more. I've found myself being passed over for promotion over and over again and I couldn't help but think if my obesity had something to do with it.
When I was a big fish in a small pond, having only substance might have been enough but now that I have joined a big firm with larger exposure, it's a whole another ball game. On this level, good impression is paramount, sometimes unfairly more so than substance. Having style will get you noticed faster so you can show your substance. Of course, you can get noticed if you work twice, three, or four times as hard but why would you do that when there's an easier way? The 20-year old me would've balked at the idea but now, as a 30-something, I have nothing to prove. I feel secure about myself that I don't feel pursuing vanity would give off the impression that I have no substance.
So, I had understood the lesson but I was needing a little push to turn my thoughts into action, and whaddya know, it came in the form of a campy reality show.
Sometime in mid 2017, I started watching Rupaul's Drag Race. I was 9 years late and I binged all 9 seasons in 3 months (thank you, Netflix!), and it stirred something in me. The way those queens unabashedly and unapologetically pursued vanity struck a chord with me, and I wanted in!
Now, let's talk about Weight Loss Surgery (WLS). I always thought of WLS as a joke, something reserved only for the morbidly obese, and though I never really investigated it, I thought I didn't have the money to pay for it. I've been trying to diet on my own in the past and none worked. Along the way, I learned that I might have insulin resistance. And when I was diagnosed with diabetes (it runs in my maternal side), I joined a diabetes community who told me that my obesity could be a symptom, not a cause. It was a liberating moment, knowing that yes, some people just have a harder time losing weight due to genetics.
I continued educating myself and learned that for some people, obesity really is a disease, just like cancer, and that WLS could help. I did my research further and discovered that the technique has improved a lot since I heard about it back in the early 2000s, and that the cost would be partially subsidized and there's even a chance for the rest to be covered by insurance. Something just snapped in me and I took the jump. I met with my surgeon in late 2017 and it's been a long process, but I'm getting my surgery soon.
FYI, it's unusual that the process takes this long (some people get their surgery within 2 months of their initial appointment) but I'm glad it happened to me because I was able to prepare myself mentally for this life-changing event. I'm glad I had the time to deal with all the emotions and concerns regarding this surgery. I also had the chance to say goodbye to all the foods I know I'm gonna miss for the time being.
Now, I am more than ready for this surgery. No looking back. No fear. No shame.
Fino alla fine!
There is literally no period in the last 31 years that I've lived on this earth when I wasn't fat. If there was, I would've been simply too young to remember.
I'm naturally a rebel and for a long time it was my mission in life to prove to my naysayers that I could be beautiful and successful while also being fat. I thought once I conquered that, then I'd be set for life. But I've come to learn that life is constantly evolving and that it comes in stages, each with a specific lesson you need to master in order to unlock your true potential.
In my late teens and much throughout my twenties, the lesson was about having substance. Substance is the essence of everything and when you have it, you cannot go wrong. This much is ingrained in me.
But now comes the next stage where the lesson seems contradictory at first: Substance is not everything. Yes, you definitely can get by with substance alone, but what this next stage of my life is trying to teach me is that, by supplementing substance with style, you can unlock more doors that could lead to many opportunities. Simply put, you'll get to do more things with your life.
It was hard to grasp this idea without feeling like a sell-out but my obesity had started to have real effects on my life. My health started to suffer (I've developed Type 2 diabetes and persistent high blood pressure) and I started to become very self-conscious about my look once more. I've found myself being passed over for promotion over and over again and I couldn't help but think if my obesity had something to do with it.
When I was a big fish in a small pond, having only substance might have been enough but now that I have joined a big firm with larger exposure, it's a whole another ball game. On this level, good impression is paramount, sometimes unfairly more so than substance. Having style will get you noticed faster so you can show your substance. Of course, you can get noticed if you work twice, three, or four times as hard but why would you do that when there's an easier way? The 20-year old me would've balked at the idea but now, as a 30-something, I have nothing to prove. I feel secure about myself that I don't feel pursuing vanity would give off the impression that I have no substance.
So, I had understood the lesson but I was needing a little push to turn my thoughts into action, and whaddya know, it came in the form of a campy reality show.
Sometime in mid 2017, I started watching Rupaul's Drag Race. I was 9 years late and I binged all 9 seasons in 3 months (thank you, Netflix!), and it stirred something in me. The way those queens unabashedly and unapologetically pursued vanity struck a chord with me, and I wanted in!
Now, let's talk about Weight Loss Surgery (WLS). I always thought of WLS as a joke, something reserved only for the morbidly obese, and though I never really investigated it, I thought I didn't have the money to pay for it. I've been trying to diet on my own in the past and none worked. Along the way, I learned that I might have insulin resistance. And when I was diagnosed with diabetes (it runs in my maternal side), I joined a diabetes community who told me that my obesity could be a symptom, not a cause. It was a liberating moment, knowing that yes, some people just have a harder time losing weight due to genetics.
I continued educating myself and learned that for some people, obesity really is a disease, just like cancer, and that WLS could help. I did my research further and discovered that the technique has improved a lot since I heard about it back in the early 2000s, and that the cost would be partially subsidized and there's even a chance for the rest to be covered by insurance. Something just snapped in me and I took the jump. I met with my surgeon in late 2017 and it's been a long process, but I'm getting my surgery soon.
FYI, it's unusual that the process takes this long (some people get their surgery within 2 months of their initial appointment) but I'm glad it happened to me because I was able to prepare myself mentally for this life-changing event. I'm glad I had the time to deal with all the emotions and concerns regarding this surgery. I also had the chance to say goodbye to all the foods I know I'm gonna miss for the time being.
Now, I am more than ready for this surgery. No looking back. No fear. No shame.
Fino alla fine!
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