For those who don't know, I resigned from my previous job back in February 2018. It is my fourth time resigning and I did it because I wanted to focus on losing weight and getting my health back on track. I had some trepidation (walking away from a stable income, am I crazy? What about having a gap in my resume? Will I ever be able to get another job in this economy?) but in the end, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
The plan was to take a break from work so I can focus on my VSG and I gave myself until the end of the year to do that. During the break, I'd apply for jobs on and off but alarmingly, I never managed to get an interview. In November, when I already bounced back from my surgery, I shifted my focus to getting a job and started to apply more aggressively. I finally managed to get two interviews and long story short, I was hired.
My first day was rough on me mentally. As an introvert, first days are always tough because you'll have to be more outgoing than usual lest you start it off on the wrong foot. Let me just tell you that feeling like a fish out of water / a newbie / a novice / a rookie when you're 32 sucks. I was in a constant panic mode the first few weeks (in fact, I still am in a panic mode) but it was also exhilarating. There is nothing I hate more than complacency, and this is definitely not it.
But I have to tell you this, though: this new office is no joke. It's a whole different ball game. The boss is extremely...well, let's just say 'passionate' and I am getting yelled at almost all the time, and I can't say I don't deserve it entirely. I guess it was getting a little too easy for me and Universe has decided that it's time for me for something new. But I have faith in the Universe. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, no matter how cliched this may sound.
The most frustrating part is figuring out what The Universe's plan is for me by putting me into this office. Is it for my career? My personal growth? My social life? My English? My confidence in working with white, native speaker colleagues? Or is this office just a negligible blip in my amazing life, a way to pass the time while continuing my weight loss while still earning money? I am not the most patient person in the world, I admit, so this is especially hard.
I guess one of the most important things I've learned while navigating the first few weeks in this office is that, I must breathe and surrender to the flow. I admit, I love that I work with several native speakers here, it's just a whole 'nother ballgame and I want desperately for them to like me, to be accepted, to be considered part of the group, to be considered as one of them, to be considered worthy of the group. My whole life, I've always wanted to be part of this crowd. I've always wanted to work with and ultimately have a native speaker friend (or two, or three, or a bunch of them) that the thought that any of these budding friendships won't last breaks my heart.
But really, you can't control and predict these things. For example, one of the most surprising friendships that I've made in my adult life is with this Burmese friend I worked with two companies ago. One day, after having not heard from him for more than a year after I resigned, he just called me to pour his heart out and we have been in touch ever since. I never planned on this yet it just happened, and I have to remind myself this over and over again. I have to surrender to the process, surrender to the flow, no matter how desperately I want some things to be / happen.
But still, I hope for the best. It will break my heart and bum me out if things don't work out with this office but I have faith in the Universe. Hopefully, things do work out and I'll figure out what I'm supposed to do in this new chapter of my life soon enough.
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